Lets talk about balls

Canada has a ball problem.

At times we either have an excess of balls or a lack of balls.

We are fast becoming an international laughingstock due to our ball imbalance.

Let’s start with the excess balls.

Jonathan (Jessica) Yaniv has an excess of balls which is causing a problem.

Jonathan feels that women should be forced by law to handle his balls upon demand and has taken 16 of them to the BC Human Rights Commission in order to force these women to touch his nuts.

Alas, the BC Human Rights Commission lacks balls. They could have dismissed this request to essentially have state enforced sexual assault but instead have victimized these sixteen women for the better part of a year now as they refuse to render a decision.

In Edmonton, a single father seeking a babysitter dared to ask if an applicant was male or not. He has now will be dragged before the Alberta human rights commission.

It is not unreasonable to be concerned about whether or not your babysitter has balls when it is considered that according to Stats Canada 97% of sex offenders are male and are usually young.

Babysitting and balls simply don’t mix if a concerned parent wants to play the odds in the favor of their children’s safety.

Alas, asking about balls is off limits when it comes to choosing who you will leave your children alone with.

Next we come to where Canada is suffering due to a lack of balls in a place where we dearly need them.

I am speaking of between the legs of our Prime Minister.

In the Islamic world, women risk torture, imprisonment and even stoning deaths for daring to do such things as leave their hair uncovered or trying to choose who they may marry. Their feminists have some very difficult and important work to do.

In the Western world, feminists have declared “manspreading” as the biggest threat to their gender well being.

“Manspreading” for those who are not immersed in the bizarro world of social justice enough to have heard of it is the terrible masculine offense of a man daring to sit with his legs apart.

Such gross displays of masculinity are unforgivable to dedicated feminists.

What women don’t understand though is that there is a reason that men sit with their legs apart.


I will spare the specific details but when men sit with their legs squashed together or crossed, we experience some discomfort issues. Not agony but not comfortable.

Unless of course one doesn’t have balls.

In the case of full emasculation, a person no longer feels the need to keep their legs apart.

While a literal lack of balls can be disfiguring, the absence of figurative balls is a terrible problem as well.

It will take a politician with balls to take on the insane human rights commissions in Canada.

It will take a politician with balls to take on the current trade war with China.

It will take a politician with balls to face down extreme environmental protesters in order to get the Trans Mountain pipeline built.

It will take a politician with balls to stand up and tell terrorists like “Jihadi Jack” that we won’t have him in our country.

Pretty much every tough and necessary task that needs to be done by a Prime Minister requires figurative balls.

Sadly the office has had a testicular deficit for nearly four years now and it shows.

Let’s hope that the imbalance of balls within Canada is corrected this October.

This ball problem is simply getting to costly to endure much longer.

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